QUESTION #2: What is the role of a wife in the household. What is the responsibility other
than honor and respect their husbands? (To keep the marriage going!)
A: The role of the wife in a household, other than to honor and respect her husband, will differ from household to household depending on how the responsibilities of the household are divided per the gifts and talents the husband and wife possess. However, there is a core theme that is presented in Genesis 2:18 when it comes to God’s specific role of a wife to her husband; “…Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”” In this text of scripture, I highlighted two words, which gives light to this responsibility of a wife, which are companionship and an assistant or co-laborer.
One of the first roles of a wife to her husband is to be a companion. Every man looks
to share his life with his wife. Someone he could be vulnerable with and to share his
heart. Alongside this, he wants a wife he can explore with and to bring along side
him as he ventures into his hobbies or things that allow him to exert his identity as a
man. It is our shared experiences that unite us and make us one. So share your
husband’s life; become familiar with the things he likes to do and join him even if it is
to cheer him on!
The other facet to this text as a co-laborer is to understanding that it is God’s
intention for man and woman, as coequals, to carry out the plan of governance over
His creation. Genesis1: 28; Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and
multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the
sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” But how does this play out
into the home, today?
To simplify it directly to the question at hand; in what ways do you compliment your husband? What are the gifts that you bring to the relationship and how can you present them to be used to augment his role as husband? Learning how to co-labor with your husband without competing with him can foster deep trust and a willingness to defer to your knowledge and proficiency in an area where he may be lacking. Working together in a collaborative manner in your marriage builds camaraderie, a sense of purpose, and a sense of value.
Besides these two roles, the word of God also identifies supplementary roles that
are just as important. I have listed these below along with the roles of a husband
(from the booklet “So You Think You’re Ready for Marriage”).
|PDF LINK TO ROLES WILL GO HERE|
Mastering Your Love Languages
Another approach to this question is to learn and master speaking your husband’s
love language. We touch on this topic briefly at the getaway but to ensure
understanding of this subject let’s review.
There are five love languages that have been identified by author Gary Chapman,
writer of “The Five Love Languages,” that communicate how a person expresses and
receives love. They are as follows:
1. Words of affirmation
2. Physical touch
3. Quality time
4. Acts of service
It is incumbent upon a husband and a wife to learn how to express love to each
other. When we communicate love concisely in the language or manner in which our
spouse is able to internalize it, we make a deposit in their love bank. There is a love
bank for all relationships that monitor the health of that relationship. When the
account is full and overrunning, the result is deep intimacy and high satisfaction in
the relationship. When the account is running below the required minimum balance,
conflict can occur. So when you stop making deposit into your spouse’s love bank
but continue to withdraw, there comes a point when the account will become
overdrawn and withdrawal in the relationship starts to occur.
This analogy highlighted three emotional phases of a relationship; intimacy, conflict
and withdrawal. If we are not mindful of our loved one’s love bank and
astutely communicate to his or her love language, our relationship can
fall into conflict and slip into withdrawal and we may simply check out of the relationship.
We often make the mistake of communicating to our spouse in the language we are
fluent in, which is the language we desire others to communicate back to us. So the
idea is to keep the love bank full because we often make withdrawals in large
denominations that can risk us overdrawing the account.
So I encourage you and your husband to fill out the attached questionnaire to
determine your love language. Once your spouse’s language is known, be determined
to become a master communicator in his/her love language. This will aid in keeping
your marriage going!